My Friend Anger

At the start of my postpartum journey, anger was a bitter enemy. It consumed me, twisted me and taunted me and I had no exit from it.

I had never learned the healthy ways to release anger and it sat in me making my mind hurt as it spun in angry spirals down my body.

I was angry at so many things: my loss of freedom, my loss of independence (the c-section emphasized this), my son (this was irrational anger because I was very happy to have him but the happiness was pushed down to a dark corner in my heart), and my husband--oh boy-- how his life didn't change, how he was so happy and in love with our son, how he was so easy going to name a few. Grrr...

My anger scared me. I didn't know how to deal with it. Suppression was the only technique I knew and now the lid was broken on my anger jar and nothing would stay down any longer. It came out mostly in tears, which left me depleted and desperate.

I analyzed why I was angry at my son, realizing I wasn't really angry at him, but I had superimposed him as the target of all of the responsibility I had on my shoulders now. Once I realized that, I said to myself that I would look at my son as my new job, and I would do it to the best of my ability. This change in perception helped my anger decrease considerably. 

I went on analyzing all of my "irrational" thoughts and worked through more of them on a mind level, but soon realized that the anger was not quelled that easily. It was a challenge for me not to think and fester about my frustrations which led to my body to respond in anger. Once I felt the anger, I needed an outlet.  

What works for me now is exercise. It is an excellent outlet for the physical release of anger, and I also journal when I can. (I used to journal everyday and since I haven't found the time so far, I found another resentment I need to clear up.) Journaling was a great stress reliever for me because I think alot and need to get it down on paper. (Oh, I did find a solution to journaling; I have a giant magnetic wipe-off board to write down things I want to remember. This has eased my stress level somewhat. )

And now, anger is my friend, in a keep your enemies close kind of way.  ;)